Dating is supposed to be fun.

Sometimes people get so enthralled with what The Angry Therapist calls the “mental net” of dating that they think dating is about finding the one.

It’s not.

As Kris Gage tells us, “First of all: there is no ‘one’.”

Dating is supposed to be about having FUN, and too many people forget that.

Nevertheless, Angry makes a great point about how we can learn a lot (about ourselves, about people) when we’re dating. We can learn about what we like. We can learn about what works for us. We can try new things that teach us more about having FUN.

Here’s a couple of things I’ve learned from the last couple years of dating:

1. Always get a real-time selfie. The whole stale/filtered pics from the online profile thing is avoidable. If your prospective date is unwilling to send you a spontaneous, flirtatious selfie of where they are right now, then it’s going to get weird if they ever bother to show up in real life. The excuses about “Oh, I haven’t done my hair,” or “I don’t want you to see me in my glasses,” are big red flags for me. Just send a smile.
2. Look for the opportunity to have fun. Almost everyone has something to offer. Almost everyone would prefer to have a good time. Angry’s advice to “drop the checklists” requires you to suspend your critical, self-protective judgments that seek to discover everything that’s wrong with someone. Focus on what might be right. You’re under no obligation to go on a second date.
3. Value people that are learning. It’s common to hear people talk about everything that’s wrong with their Ex. But all that does is communicate what poor judgment they have in their choice of lover. Rarely, when past relationships do come up in conversation, you’ll find someone who is doing the hard work of learning. It might sound something like this.
4. Stick to the Tom Fun Plan. There are things I enjoy, and things I don’t. Dates go soooo much better when I’m doing things I enjoy. For example, I’ve been stood up (or last minute cancellation) at least a half a dozen times. So what? When I’m sticking to the Tom Fun Plan, I still have a memorable, enjoyable time. It’s even possible that I meet someone new on the date that was meant for someone else!