I've been reading Complex PTSD by Pete Walker, and I've learning about the impact of childhood abandonment and neglect on my adult emotions and behaviours.

An important staep in grieving, according to Walker, is anger. Yet, it's so damn difficult to be angry at our parents now that they are old a feeble, because it makes us seem like we are bad people.

It's OK to be angry at the parents that failed to protect you in the past. It's OK to be angry at the parents who were so self-absorbed in their own stuff that they expected you to care for them, rather than the other way around.

IOW, I've learned to empathize with my former self, and recognize that I have a lot to be angry about -- as a child. That frees me up as an adult to do the things my future self will be proud of, with carrying a complex emotional burden about it.