Ronda Tamerlane, you described the pattern SO well.

One of the things that I keep hearing from people is a push/pull pattern of manipulation that goes something like:

Narcissist: “I’ve had enough of your abuse! I’m done! I want out!”
Spouse: “I’m sad that we couldn’t find a way to work together. I do not want to be married to someone who doesn’t want to be married to me. I respect your wishes to be divorced.”
Narcissist: “What? How dare you leave me! You’re the worst! I will tell all our friends what an awful human being you are for abandoning our relationship, especially when you know that I didn’t mean all those things that I yelled at you! Now get back here and work harder to meet my needs!”

What I didn’t realize until very recently is why the children of narcissists seek out relationships with narcissists. Obviously, we have our own needs, and we’re trying like hell to get those met.

I’m glad you’ve built a relationship that is working better for you now.

Maybe you can share some of the books or experiences that you learned from along the way?