The most poignant moment in this article (for me) A.J. Kay is your admission that you needed babies to love--I think because an infant that depends upon you for its life cannot abandon you.

You write that you understand the risk of a codependent, emotionally incestuous relationship with those children whom you describe as keeping you alive, but not responsible for your happiness.

I wouldn’t believe you, except for the experience you had of giving your first baby up for adoption. One way to make sense of that might be to say, “I will never let go again,” but another might be to realize that there us no pain of separation and abandonment that you cannot withstand.

Given your experience with adoption, and your children with acute special needs, it seems you are well prepared to send your “profoundly gifted" girl to college. There’s a difference between having them taken from you, and giving them up freely.

And it’s not just who is driving the rental car.