Thomas P Seager, PhD
1 min readNov 29, 2018

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There’s an important difference between the way A.J. Kay frames the problem, and the way that Vanessa Torre and Katy Preen frame it.

VT and KP claim the problem is within others.

AJ Kay claims the problem is within herself.

KP and VT agree that “… the issue is, and always has been and always will be, the male entitlement that I have encountered where men feel entitled to our bodies.”

They can’t solve that problem without resorting to controlling what men feel, which is outside their own locus of control. That’s a frustrating problem to have, because it has no solution.

By contrast, AJ Kay has a chance to improve her situation, because she’s framed her problem within her own locus of control.

Readers might check back in a few years and inquire about how these two different ways of framing dating problems are working out for the authors.

But we don’t really have to wait that long.

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