This article exemplifies a common misconception that undermines romantic relationships.

The fact is that successful relationships DO require a lot of work. Not the work of fighting, or jealousy, but the work of increased self awareness.

That is, the work you must do is not on the relationship, but on yourself. When you learn to recognize the trauma and emotional flashbacks that you have been programmed to relive since childhood, you have an opportunity to love yourself and your partner better.

That kind of self awareness only comes as a result of really hard work.

The problem is that this kind of work is best done while embedded in supportive relationships. Human beings are social creatures and we need relationships to survive.

The fights and the hard work that William’s describes is evidence of motivation to heal and it is still ineffective. Because we cannot heal ourselves by attempting to control the romantic partners we chose because they remind us of the people who wounded us as children.