This is a great example A.J. Kay
We all seem to recognize the difference in expectations between children and adults. It would be an extraordinary Medium reader who criticizes you for insisting that your 16yo daughter actually show up for the SAT that she signed up for. Because you are a good parent.
Where many Medium readers fail is in making the distinction between adults acting like children and adults acting like adults.
That is, when our spouse (our our late-stage adolescents) are behaving like children — throwing tantrums, indulging in protest behavior, conjuring up emotional manipulations — it does no good to treat them as if they were acting like adults.
Childish behavior must be met with parental responses, until our spouses (teenagers) regain control of themselves.
When my spouse said “I don’t want to do this anymore,” she was operating on the same emotional plane are your 16yo on the day of her SAT.
When you spouse threatened you with divorce, I’m imagining him sounding like a toddler who screams, “You’re the worst Mommy in the World!” And it would be immoral to give that toddler up for adoption based upon their immature and ill-informed assessment of your parenting skills.
But when it comes to marriage… at some point it’s no longer about what they want or what’s good for them.
I finally reached a point where I realized the marriage was no longer good for me, and I wanted it to be over.
The key for me is to shed the excuse — the pretense — that it I was granting my wife’s wishes.
Because that’s not really true.
Divorce is my wish.
(There. I wrote it. Finally.)
PS — I would @ Misty S Bledsoe, too, but she blocked me, so… I guess that’s not a relationship that I “allow” her to end. Or not. (Or something).