You’re welcome, Darcy Reeder.

Emma Seager got back to me, and she says “Dirk sounds like an asshole.”

That’s not great revelation, so I asked her “Why?” and she zeroed in on the name-calling like “… ugly bitch,” and “You’re not my type,” which isn’t just mean and stupid, it’s abusive.

Emma didn’t focus on the choking, although she wondered about whether you had boundaries in your mind beforehand and either failed to enforce them, or maybe you were just so curious about what was on the other side of them that you decided to run the experiment.

Which led to a candid conversation between us about our experiences, her capacity to set boundaries (and mine), and the big fat suckitude of shame.

One of the things I told her is that I’ve been with first dates with women who asked me to choke them, or wanted me to choke them, and it’s one of my boundaries.

I won’t do it.

My sense is that’s sometimes the reason why I don’t get second dates. Still, because I know what works for me and what doesn’t, the second date with those women wouldn’t be right for me, anyway.

Thanks for catalyzing that conversation between Emma and me.